Identity Reflections: Parenting Changes Everything

Hello friends,

A while back, I was talking to Naomi Raquel Enright, as we considered her then upcoming piece on how she's raising her son to be aware of his multiplicity of identities. (That's now been published under the title There Is Only Us.)

As we talked, I commented that the piece could resonate with white parents of Black kids, Black parents of white kids, and anyone raising kids who had a different identity and culture. (And it turned out that i was right, judging from the many responses.)

But then I thought of my own experience as a Black mother of a biracial kid. I said to Naomi that being a parent makes you question everything - and she agreed.

In my case I had to know that my experience of the world and my daughter's would be different, and I had to honour both her lived experience and mine in raising her.

To share some of what had happened to me and prepare her for what could happen to her.

And to do so in a way that invited open curiosity rather than closed-mindedness.

What that required from me was a willingness to hear a perspective that wasn't my own instead of defaulting to the "because I said so" approach that never gets us anywhere.

Of COURSE my daughter isn't going to experience discrimination in the same way as I did, because her location and identity are different, and she's much more vocal about inequity than I was at her age.

And of course there are questions of identity she wrestles with as a person with multiple heritages that I never even had to consider (though, you know, most of us aren't just one thing, no matter what we look like on the outside).

It also required an understanding of intersectionality, not just from me, but also from my white British husband. His experience with that identity is a million miles away from both hers and mine with our different identities. He's aware of that, and he listens.

I'm grateful for the many conversations my daughter and I have had that led me to continually question whatever I've previously taken for granted - parenting will humble you that way, too, lol.

I know I'm a better person for questioning everything and seeing even more perspectives. And I hope I never get so set in the illusion of rightness that I fail to be open to other perspectives.

If you missed Naomi's essay, I urge you to go back and read it again - there's a lot to chew on there and it's a conversation we need to be having.

Thanks for reading,

Sharon

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I am an anti-racism educator and activist, the author of “I’m Tired of Racism”, and co-host of The Introvert Sisters podcast.

© Sharon Hurley Hall, 2024. All Rights Reserved. This newsletter is published on beehiiv (affiliate link).